Friday, September 21, 2012

we are never left alone.

Quite a long story:

For those of you that don't know, I have chosen to move to Ecuador for three months, to volunteer in an orphanage. I will be leaving November 29th. It has been an emotional roller coaster, deciding whether or not I should do this. I want to with my entire heart, but financially it is out of my reach. After thinking long and hard about it, I decided it would be worth coming back to debt for. By the time I got accepted I was told I have till the 29th of this month to a huge chunk of the money.. I wasn't anticipating having to pay it that soon, so it came as a huge shock. Things just didn't seem to be working in my favor. My job offered me a raise, which would double my income. My family wasn't supporting my decision.. it just didn't seem like it was meant to be. I have several reasons for deciding to go.. but most of them were fading, with the challenges that were heading my way. There was still one very strong reason why I wanted to go.. (more of a personal thing) and I still felt like that was where I am supposed to be. Well taking out a loan was my only option, but because I have no collateral it wasn't an option to get it in my name. I asked my dad if he could get me one and he was very abrupt about telling me no. I was shattered. My mom can't get a loan in her name because everything is under my dads name. I was upset, and trying to handle a million other things all at the same time. I told my mom later that night what my dad had decided and she didn't really have a response. I went to bed that night and pretty much decided that this dream would have to wait. Nothing was working out. I was upset, and couldn't shake the sadness. The next afternoon I went to the dentist and the girl sat me down and started asking me the every day questions. Then she asked "what are your plans for the next couple months?" I thought it was a weird way to ask the question.. because most people just ask if you are going to school or what you are up to. I told her that I'm going to Ecuador, knowing in my head that I didn't even know if I was going anymore. She asked what for, and I told her about the orphanage. She said "Oh my gosh, no way! I did the same exact thing!" I asked her what organization she went with, and sure enough it was the same organization I had chosen. She went on to address every question I had in my head, but never asked aloud. She told me that it is so stressful and that at times she wanted to just give up because nothing seemed to be going right. She said that the puzzle pieces just didn't seem to fit, and she was ready to just move on from even wanting to go. I didn't tell her that, those were the exact feelings I was having. She went on and said, "for some reason I felt like I should ask you what you were up to for the next little bit.. it was weird. But I know that is for you. I don't know you, but I know you are supposed to go." She went on to say how excited she was for me, and I was just in shock. Without knowing me, or the questions I had.. she answered them all. When I was ready to give up, I was given someone to show me that it will work out. As I left the dentist, I called my mom to tell her about what had happened. She replied by telling me that my dad decided to go get a loan for me. He had told her no earlier that morning, but then ten minutes before I called her, had decided to change his mind. If things are meant to be.. they will happen. I promise you. We aren't left to figure things out on our own.Things will work out if that is where you are supposed to be. 

There is something or someone in Ecuador that I need to learn from, or that needs my help.
 I'm ready.   

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