Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Happy birthday grandma.

Happy Birthday to the woman that made a lasting impact on me. 

I can so easily remember the memories in Harrietta's home. Our Harrietta. Our grandmother. It almost seems   fake.. the relationship we had. Fake because it was so incredible and rare, but how blessed am I to know it was so unbelievably real. I remember hanging out with some friends and being told I needed to meet "grandma." We walked to the end of the road, went to the right side of the home, opened the gate, and walked down the stairs, to meet this "so called Grandmother." As the door opened, it wasn't hard to realize this woman was an angel on earth. She greeted me as if she had known me for years, as she treated everyone. At the time I don't think I knew how influential this woman would be on me, I don't think any of us did for that matter.. but the visits continued. If you were looking for Tiff, Tori, Hannah, Jayne, or I after school.. you could be sure to find us there. Doing who knows what.. but I promise you what we were, was happy. Whether we were making new national days such as Macaroni day, or laying upside down letting our drool run into our noses (gross I know) I felt important. I felt as though she cared more than any other human could. She had such a large capacity to love. I look back and feel as though I merely took that time for granted. I wish, more than anything, that I could walk down to her cozy home and just talk to her. She was more than a listener. She would listen to your problems, then make you feel such peace that you couldn't help but believe things would get better. Her famous candy drawer, stocked especially for us, and the cards she sent out on every single holiday with the crisp dollar bills... what a sweet, sweet, lady to say the least. When her health was failing I remember being so confused.. why? Why would she be taken from us? One day, I wanted my mom to meet her so we went and got her a smoothie and a little pink stuffed animal, bunny. Though not feeling well at all, she was ecstatic to meet my mom. I showed her the bunny then went to the kitchen to grab some scissors to snip off the little plastic c shaped thing, that they hang the stuffed animals from in the store. She stopped me and said that I should leave it on. She pointed out that the plastic piece would help it hang perfectly from the window right in front of her bed. I hung it up and she had this priceless grin on her face. It made me feel so important that I had given her a gift that she wanted to hang right in front of her. The next visit she told me how much happiness it brought to her.. She made me feel beyond important. I can remember the night perfectly that I got a call from Tiff, in the middle of the night, saying that I should come over and say my goodbyes. I couldn't. I had to tell her no.. because I literally could not say goodbye. She could not be gone. She couldn't leave us.. Our best friend could not go. Later this incredible woman moved onto better things.. as she passed, life seemed like a blur for awhile. It was hard to understand at that age. But today it is her birthday, and I can't help but want to celebrate her. Our Harrietta. 

Today we celebrate the birthday of the woman who taught us endless amounts of valuable lessons. She taught us to live our beliefs, through our actions. That if you believed in the church.. You BELIEVE in it. She worked hard to gain the knowledge she had. She created a bond between the girls that went over there.. it was almost like The sisterhood of the traveling pants to me.. like this previously unknown source, created a relationship between all of us that could have never been predicted.. but is so eternal. I can't believe it has been six years grandma. I miss you.. more than words could ever be described. I can't wait to see you again.. and thank you, because I don't think I did enough then. Thank you for the safe haven you created for us, for the support, the listening ear, the happiness, and literal ray of sunshine that you were. I can't believe you are gone.. because reminiscing on these memories makes me feel as though we are all back in your living room.. when life seemed so easy. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. Thank you grandma, for teaching me what endless, limitless, forever, eternal, under no conditions, pure, love is. Happy birthday. I love you. 
(at her grave before the headstone was set.. Love these girls with my entire heart)

1 comment:

  1. I love this so much. I love you 3 girls ^^ so much, and Jayne included. She really did create this everlasting bond between us. Look at us. You're working your tail off, well on your way to Ecuador, Jayne and Hannah are in Provo & Orem, working & in school - Tori is a nanny in San Francisco and I'm in school & working in Logan. We're no where at the point where we can all meet up afterschool in Grandma's basement anymore. We're not just a couple of fences to jump away from each other. We've all had fights, said things about each other that we regret, done some done things, and distance and growing up has brought us all apart. But the thing is; because Grandma loved us, and taught us to love each other and have each other's backs and to always keep good friends by your side, we could never stay away from each other. Not really.

    Where ever our crazy lives take us, I've found that life has a funny way of always bringing you back to your roots; your hometown, and the people you grew up with; whether you like it or not. Fortunately, you girls are my roots; our town is my hometown, and the people who raised me, are you, and hannah. Tori & Jayne. And mostly, the Grandma and best friend that we all share in common.

    I love you more than words could ever say; because it's not a word when it comes to us. It's a common feeling; the one that we always felt when we were mixing hot cocoa in Grandma's kitchen, and she'd tell us to drop a piece of mint gum in the cup, because it makes it minty cocoa. The feeling of "love" that we share, isn't a word - because it's a cupcake smashed in each other's face at a birthday party. The taste of love, OUR love Annie, is a tortilla, with honey mustard, whipped cream, barbeque sauce and syrup, all mixed together. It's not always smooth sailing; but it's never out of sight.

    Where ever you go, where ever I go, where ever Tori, Jayne & Hannah go, we're always going to be together. Because Grandma's here- with us all. I've felt her. I've felt her stop me from crashing my car. I've felt her beside me on the bed on nights I cry til I fall asleep. I've felt her keep me awake as I commute back and forth from Moab at 3 am and I'm struggling to not die.

    She was taken from us because her work here was done. I would have disagreed with that, you would have too. Because for selfish reasons; we weren't ready to let that source of love and example go. It was comfortable and easy with her here. And she left just as it got hard. She had been through divorces, more than one; and she left just as my parents began talking of seperating. Why. Why did that happen? I needed her the most THEN. She died just as other people in your life passed - making the pain seem almost unbearable. Why. Why then? I used to be angry about it. She left when we all so desperately needed her.
    But I've realized this. She prepared us for the storm. She didn't wait around long enough to see what storms we'd all face; but she knew they'd be strong; and that she needed to make us strong first. She did just that. And then, she did as all angels do. She went home.

    She shaped our lives, our character. She taught us more about ourselves than we ever thought we were capable of. I miss her - and those words seem heartless, because it can't even explain the feeling. I long for her, for those days again. But look how far we've all come.. and I'm willing to give full credit to Grandma. She's with us. and I know she loves us.
    I love you Annie.
    Thanks for your post, bringing me back to our safe place that we will forever share.