Thursday, October 4, 2012

love. or something?

How can someone with a big heart be so afraid of love?
I am eighteen years old and am sure I don't know every single detail of what love is, but I know that I have a good idea of it. 
I know how it feels to be loved, and to love in return.
I also know how it feels to one day have someone love you, and the next day you mean nothing to them.
That's what scares me.
I'm scared of loving someone, relying on them, having them be so involved in your life, a part of you, then just suddenly not caring.
Then being able to walk away.
I know when I get serious with people they just say "that won't happen with us.." 
but no... haha it does.
That is why I'm scared of love.
I don't want to love someone with all of myself and not have that reciprocated back.

It sucks to try to have the faith to see if it will work.
When others are so ready and willing to love.
It isn't that I'm being a mellow dramatic teenager, or that I've had some serious heart break..
I just don't want someone to mean everything to me then have them go.

I hate that it isn't easy for me to love.
I hate that every time I get to this point with someone, I hesitate.
I hate it.

I'll just say this much..
If I didn't trust this kid with my entire life, I wouldn't be in the position that I am in.
I have faith, and can only hope this all goes well. 

1 comment:

  1. i know how it goes. you and i both, maybe this is why were twins!

    love you ann.
    really. you never need to second guess that.