Wednesday, September 12, 2012

a lesson is a lesson.

Nine months ago you would have found me pleading for you to take me back.
Most likely a hysterical mess, thinking there was no other way I would survive.
You would have found me giving you 100 percent of my time, waking to your every need. 
You would have heard me telling my friends that it is going to get better. 
You would have found me telling myself that it'll will all get better; that you really do care. 
You would have seen me giving up my time, blowing off my friends, to sit and fight with you,
thinking things would change. 
You would have seen the consistent tears in my eyes.

Because frankly I thought we had something, that nothing would break.
But you didn't want me.. 
You blew me off like I literally meant nothing more than the dirt beneath your shoes,
You treated me as if I would always be there to walk on, because I was too scared to walk away.
You used me, and then went on to use other girls.. knowing that I just wanted you, so I would forgive you.
You didn't care.
You turned into the hard ass again,
the person I never knew.

And I stood there.
Literally by your side for months and months.
Showing up on your doorstep, begging for another chance...
when in reality I was just a puppet in your play that revolved around one thing, and one thing only; you.

This post isn't meant to be bitter,
nor is it to say that I was never in the wrong.
This post is to say that I waited. 
I waited, and tried for far too long to fix things, I gave you everything I had left in me. 

And here I am, nine months later.
Knowing that in time, you decided you wanted me back..
but it was too late. 
I figured something out,
and that is, that I deserve a whole hell of a lot better.
I will always love you, but it has to be from a distance.
I love you, but I don't necessarily like you. ha..

It's crazy that some things in life you have to learn the hard way.
You have to hit rock bottom,
You have to keep showing up at their house, in tears, begging to try it again.
You have to be humbled before you can truly know what it means to find true, raw, happiness.

You've taught my simple minded, hopeless romantic self, that love isn't supposed to be that way.
but nonetheless, you've taught me..
so thank you. 


  1. Annie & Cass, I love you both so much.
    "We accept the love we think we deserve."
    You both deserve the WORLD, coming from someone who at some point, thought I had you figured out pretty well. I may not know what you've gone through, but I do know what you deserve. I'm glad you've opened your eyes to see what you're truly worth.. I love you.