Friday, October 18, 2013
confusion and questions surround me.
I have never been more confused in my entire life. Growing up is confusing. My decisions have started to matter. I reap what I sow. Where my time is directed is where I will end up. My choices reflect who I am. But some nights I realize I have no idea where I want to end up, who I want to be, what I am. I know me.. but I only know the Annie at 12 o'clock, Friday, October 18th, Annie. I make bad decisions. I don't know what I'm doing most times. I question every single action. Because it's scary to think that what I am doing right now is preparing and turning me into the Annie that I will spend the rest of my life being. I am grateful that it's never too late to change the Annie I am.. but there is part of me that will always question if my actions right now are going to cause heartache, pain, and unnecessary soul searching for who I am, in the future. It's our instinct to compare ourselves to others, and lately I look around and feel like people don't question it. They are just doing them. I don't get it, I don't understand, I can't live without questioning every moment. Sometimes I wish I could change that, but it's who I am. I'm Annie. I'm a little lost, confused, and unsure where my future is leading me. I regret some choices, forget what really matters, and am searching for the bigger picture. I know I'm worth more than some of my decisions. I can't help but think how much I have been blessed, and hope that I use my blessings to turn out to be a decent person. I don't know.