Saturday, October 26, 2013

preconceived ideas.

I think we all have this preconceived idea in our head. This map, this beautiful portrait, of how our lives are going to play out. When each piece will be laid to create our own magnificent puzzle. That every soul we love will stay in our lives forever, and there will only be good. That our lives will simply be like every book we've ever read, and our own happily ever after will come when we say we are ready. We say "I am going to do that," and nothing falls down in front of us, and no one appears in our way. 

We have this preconceived idea in our head that we are the creators of our lives. That our opinion is the only opinion that matters unless we say so. There isn't a word, action, or person, that can deter us from our self-made happiness. We choose what we will feel, and the rest stays on the other side of the wall we built. 

We forget of the goodness each soul brings into our lives. That the unexpected hello turns into a magnificent friendship. That the beautiful portrait is merely ordinary in comparison to our stunningly messy lives. That in and through loss, we gain so much understanding and love, which holds much truer on a grander scale. Our lives create our stories. Our messy, far from perfect lives. What nonsense to wish of a life you have read, when you hold the pen to your own. That our own happily ever after might take you to hell and back, but it will be yours. We create our lives, yes, but it isn't solely due to our own actions. This world, this moonstruck, berserk, world. The crinkling leaves and strangers that slip a smile.. These are the creators of our lives. There may be words uttered that break us, take us to our own hell, and unhinge us.. but those words are the same ones that build us, the ones that make it possible for ourselves to look the mirror eye to eye, and know without an ounce of disbelief, that we will get through anything. That even though at times we lose control of our emotions, we create ourselves, with the love and light we allow in. 

So yes, there are days that we conceive these ideas that a perfect life, one without heartache and trial.. well, wouldn't that just be ideal. But as I look back, it's the hardest times, the messy, ugly, times of my life that have created me; Annie. And during those times that you are getting to know someone, and you think it would be much simpler to leave that part of your story out, remember that you are you. You are this beautifully, messy, human being. You can chose what to let in.. but isn't it better to let love in and get hurt, rather than to miss out on that love completely? There's beauty in the heartache. Oh, I promise, there is magnificence in your sorrow. 

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